A New Look
November 19, 2009
On the road to Santa Fe, New Mexico
Here I am on my first road trip in six weeks! And I have completed my six weeks of Chemo therapy, which is into the second quarter of the protocol So far the side affects have been minimal but have impacted my life in significant ways. And how knows what the far reaching effects will be. The unknown stretches out ahead of me. The scary part of this unknown is that it has the quality of spirit and the absolute flow of the universe/Reiki. No control, no pretense of control, and relinquishing the possibility of vision. I am seeing that vision can be a defense mechanism too. I am wondering now if true vision is of the ethers and not of substance.
The knowledge I am gaining about my body is tremendous. All my pre conceived notions about what I Should be eating, what I Should be doing, and what my body wants are not applicable now. It is my job now to listen as closely to my body as much as possible and allow my mind to resist without succumbing to the resistance. It is a tough battle! And mostly it is an internal struggle that I am not liking. I am finding out about my lymph system, what it is like to be slightly nauseous most of the time (which some people live with for years!), and what it is like to be able to do ONE thing at a time! No longer can I multi-task…and if I am tired, doing one thing that takes concentration is not possible. Sigh.
I also have been reminded that I am in the process of giving up the physical/energetic movement of having a point on the horizon to travel to and preparing for the journey, consistently, as I have in the last thirty years. I am finding this trip now tiring and amazingly long! 8 hours driving in two days! Used to be a no problem trip with a class or gathering at the end of the journey!
How does my psyche cope with stillness?
Years ago I was told that my job was to receive. And to receive whatever was given with grace and gratitude. Now I am being presented with another whole level of RECEIVING. The receiving is not on the material plane but on the spiritual and etheric levels. It seems that this love and support coming to me is not limited to a human concept of love and “wanting to help” but is sourced from a different place. This is opening me in a different way. And Thank You seems not the appropriate response. I have not thought of another one yet!
As I have told countless Reiki students, the most I can do is be the best student I can be, living the precepts, and listening, listening.
During the last years I have been more and more conscious of my hair. In the last months it has begun to attract more and more attention from me by coming out! During the chemo therapy this has become more and more evident. I sent a treatment to my hair…and did not get a physical “reason” for this and did not get a solution. What I did get was a message…..what is happening? How can you flow the flow? So I realized that having my hair cut down to my scalp was what was called out in me. As I thought about doing this….I realized that hair often represents the past and in cutting it off, I was releasing the past and letting the present start now. I also wondered about the spiritual significance of shaving one’s head. I will see what happens in the next weeks. As I drove to the appointment with my hairdresser, I became more and more excited. Now it is done! And I love the feeling! At this point it feels like there is
not a filter for the energy to come through to my head. I feel every nuance of the air around me, the energy, and my awareness has been heightened. I look forward to where this leads me.
You have asked…How are you? I cannot really answer this question. I can share some of what is happening now. Each day, Each week brings more and more to me. Only a part is able to be expressed in words. The Reiki I am receiving is supporting me in this major renovation and restoration of my spirit.
Thank you for asking. Thank you for being there in spirit and in thought. You are the richness of my life; inspiration and compost.
For continued updates of my process, please go to the Blog… www.phyllisfurumoto.blogspot.com.
with love and amazement,