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4 more and counting

Unlike last week, this week was a clear one! I am puzzled and perhaps really needing to simply accept that there are somethings that are not in my control! What a tough one to accept.

I had my treatment on Tuesday and forgot to let everyone know…but I figured that the reiki was flowing and when it came would be what I needed. And it seems like this was true! I saw the medical oncologist, Dr Rachel Swart. She is pleased with my treatments so far and because I have not had to slip them. My blood counts are still good. The side effects that I do have are getting a little more pronounced…less time when I can be focused, more little moments of dizziness when I lay down or get up out of bed, and my hair is shedding! It seems that this next month will be a challenge to move through. Part of it is that I am now in a kind of rhythm! What will it be like to stop? Even though it is not pleasant. What a monstrous idea! That I could miss this cycle. Well, when I realized that I was going to have my treatment on Tuesday, I went through a little panic about the disturbance of the cycle. I sent Reiki to myself and asked why? the answer was ……when I am vulnerable….then the safety of routine is so strong! Whew! I need to really let this one sink in!

Today Joyce and I went to the Radio-oncologist here in Green Valley. He is a very present, young doctor with kindness in his face. I will go here for the radiation therapy. This will save me driving to Tucson and dealing with a much larger facility every day. The course of treatment will start at the beginning of April if I am able to do the next four treatments each week. The radiation will be 6 and a half weeks! 5 days a week. It is difficult to even think about this! Though the side effects are supposed to be a little less wide spread.

The month of March will be my time to recover and to have time away from the doctors! I will be so happy for this and wonder if I will be courageous enough to go back into another treatment phase! Guess I will but I don’t have the innocence I did in October ………………………………..a sense of excitement and adventure. Maybe I can get this back? Hmmmmmmm.

Phil Morgan was here for a few days this week …..lovely to have him here! Such an amazing story he has with his three life partners having had cancer and eventually dying. He was able to reassure me, coach me, and sooth a part of me that needed to be touched…though I didn’t know it before he came. Thanks Phil!

haven’t been to see Avatar again…but am interested in the IMAX version. So much to take it all at once ………………………………………………..and I feel that this is how my life is now. So much on so many levels.

Signing off …………………………………………………………………………time for exercising my right arm.

Phyllis