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What is the song, singing in me now?

End of August 2009:

August 19 will be a date to remember in my life! My first surgery and effectively my first brush with illness. Afterwards, I felt pretty good…sore, swollen under my arm, and somehow, healthy! People were around me who were attending the events at the Pocket Sanctuary Ranch. I had lots of Reiki and this took me through the OGM Retreat.

Then I realized I needed to come home and be more alone. It was not easy and I had a feeling of leaving a safe place and entering another one.

The Surgeon had my permission to remove the first lymph nodes and found that there was cancer in the first one but not the others. I am to have tests to check whether the cancer has located in another place in my body. These will be done on September 9.

In the meantime, I am scheduling the followup treatment to the surgery. This has been difficult. So many belief systems, unconscious fears and “appearances” to consider. Now, I have decided to have the chemotherapy and radiation. This is not out of fear but out of a feeling that this is the way I need to go. Strangely, that this path will serve me.

This weekly treatment, which will start October 14, will be accompanied by daily hands on Reiki treatments, distant treatments, prayers, homeopathic support of internal organs, and other supplements. I am shifting to a macro biotic diet. There will be other possible supporting ideas and treatments along the way.

Fear does arise at times. When it does, I find myself carried by the trust within and by the comfort of feeling Reiki with me.

My inner process is so intense and complicated that it is not possible to express it. Only to say, I have discovered that my heart has been clouded by past experiences. I thought that spirit resided in my head! And now I know that my heart is the place of my Spirit, and therein, a place of peace.