9. August 2009:
It has been a week since the biopsy when I knew deep inside that the spot in my breast was cancer. Since then I have been continuing my journey, as I was before. The difference now is where my attention is. My being is the focus of my attention.
Talk, talk talk. I talked about slowing down, not traveling as much, and taking more time for myself. These are the symptoms of something else. Because these did not capture the essence of what my soul wanted, I did not hear the truth behind the words. As Reiki has brought me the gift of this messenger, it is my priority to listen and to act accordingly.
Just as it is not gentle on the body to go to extremes, I hope to avoid this on all levels. The greater challenge is to be sensitive to what my body and soul are saying and honor their messages.
When I first sent Reiki to my spot, I asked the spot, “What is your name?” The spot said, “You are not ready to talk with me directly! You must first accept and appreciate fully your body!” I am writing a list of all the envy I have had of other people’s bodies, how I wish I were different. Then I am writing a list of all the qualities of my body now that just are. When I finish with the second list, which is not easy, then I will have a ceremony to create the bridge of letting go of the desire to be different and embracing the body that I have. I will then see if the spot will talk with me!
I know that the word cancer is very evocative. The word can pull up deepest fears that are projections of night time fear, fear of death, and fear of loss. I appreciate that you care for me and that these might have come forth. If this is the beginning of physical death for me, then I sincerely wish to hold this part of my journey with dignity and courage taking the next steps into the unknown.
Right now, I am waiting for more information from the medical community. Before this, I have begun a relationship with my spot., to see the gifts that are coming to me through this experience and the reassurance that my secret desire of moving into another realm of service for the community is the path of my soul.
I welcome Reiki treatments and know that my Being will accept the energy, using it as it needs. If you wish to have a focus, these are some that would continue to support my life’s journey:
See both my spiritual and physical bodies fill with Reiki
See me being open to the messages of my body and having the courage to speak the truth of my body Hold the healing of any rifts that are in my personal or reiki life
See me embrace my physical body as it is…..glorious and strong
Feel my trust in my innate goodness and beauty
Thank you for your greetings, loving messages, advice, and translations of medical jargon.
Thank you for allowing me to be a recipient of your Reiki practice!